Purgatory
by obsessedwithstabler
Summary: Captain, I'm with my family-" "It's Goren." The phone dropped from her hand and hit the grass.
1. Chapter 1

Hey, everyone! I started to write this story a few days before Purgatory aired, and I just now got around to posting it. It began as a oneshot songfic to the gorgeous song Stop And Stare by One Republic, but quickly grew. And another author, The Confused One, joined me on this little project. So here ya'll go. And reviews are always a nice birthday present. (grins)

Disclaimer: Not mine!

CICICICICICICICICICI

Bobby Goren looked at his new partner with hard eyes, and some contempt. He didn't want a new partner. He wanted his partner back. He wanted his Eames back. But unlike the fights they had in the past, he somehow knew that it wouldn't be so simple.

She was pissed, and rightly so. He had been trying to protect her the only way he knew how: by keeping her out of the loop. He told Ross, the Chief of D's, but not her. He had already hurt her career enough. He wasn't about to damage it more.

Every time he closed his eyes, he could see her standing in front of him, her eyes blazed by fire, rage and hurt. But she couldn't see that he had only been trying to keep her safe. He would never forgive himself if she had gotten involved and gotten hurt. It would have killed him, in both the metaphorical and physical senses.

"Goren!"

He snapped his head in the direction of his replacement partner's irritated voice.

Larry Jacobson raised an eyebrow. "We're here."

Bobby nodded and slid out of the driver's seat. That was another thing. Eames never let him drive. "If I want a roller coaster ride, I'll take my vacation at Disneyland," she had once told him. He smiled at the memory of her smile.

"Come on, Goren," Jacobson snapped again, and Bobby rubbed a hand over his forehead.

He had been willing to give this guy a try, if only for the sake of getting Eames back sooner. He missed her more than anyone realized, and he didn't do well with change. But for their partnership, he was trying. He nodded at the other man, lightly fingering his gun as they went up the steps that led into the house.

Jacobson reached the door first, and he pounded his fist against it. "Police! Open the door!"

Bobby sensed something was wrong. It was too quiet, the air too still. Something was about to happen. He knew it in his gut.

The silence erupted into a deafening hail of gunfire, and Bobby felt a fire deep in his side as the world began spinning around him. He sank to his knees, blood pouring over his hands as he looked around for Jacobson. Suddenly there was silence again, and his head hit the concrete with a sickening thud.

_This town is colder now, I think it's sick of us _

_It's time to make our move, I'm shaking off the rust _

_I've got my heart set on anywhere but here _

_I'm staring down myself, counting up the years_

Alex loved playing with her nieces and nephews, and she tried never to play favorites, but Matt had always held a very special place in her heart. She had given birth to him, after all. She had given her sister the greatest gift of all: a child. And never once had she regretted it.

Matt climbed into her lap and smiled at her, sloppily kissing her cheek. "I love you, Aunt Alex!" he declared innocently, a bright smile on his little mouth.

She returned his smile and tousled his hair. "I love you, too, Matt." She kissed his cheek, and he scurried away to play with his cousins.

She leaned forward and rested her elbows on her knees, running a hand through her hair. A gentle hand clamped down on her shoulder, and she smiled at her father. "Hey, Dad."

He sat down beside her, leaning over to kiss her forehead. "What's going on, Princess?" he asked.

She raised an eyebrow. "What are you talking about, Dad?" Damn, he could always read her like a book.

He reached out and touched her hair. "You and I go way back, Princess. I've known that face for forty-two years." He gave her a gentle smile. "What is it?"

She let out a heavy sigh. "It's... a lot of things."

"Any of them have to do with your partner?"

At her shocked look, he chuckled softly. "I knew it. What happened?"

Holding her head in her hands, she told her father everything, from Bobby's suspension, to their dangerous encounter in the club, and finally she finished with their blow up in the precinct.

John just listened, nodding thoughtfully at points. When she was finished, he rubbed his chin in intense concentration. "Have you talked to him?"

She slowly shook her head. "I can't."

"Can't... or won't?"

Her phone buzzed angrily against her hip, and as she pulled it out to shut it off, her father's large hand closed around hers. "Answer it. It may be him." He gave her a quick peck on her forehead before standing up and walking away.

Reluctantly, she opens the phone, bracing herself. But for what, she didn't know. "Eames."

_Eames_? Her captain's voice sounded harried.

Her stomach dropped. "Yes, sir?"

_There's been a shooting. I need you back here right now_.

She closed her eyes. "Captain, I'm with my family."

_It's Goren_.

The phone dropped from her hand and hit the grass below her feet.

_Steady hands just take the wheel _

_Every glance is killing me _

_Time to make one last appeal _

_For the life I lead_

TBC...

A/N: Well, there ya'll have it. We've already written a few chapters, so if we get enough reviews, we'll update today. It's turned into quite a little project, and we really hope ya'll enjoy this. Thanks for reading, and please remember to review!


	2. Confrontation

He heard voices, but they were muddled, the words jumbled and unintelligible. The pain in his head was unbearable, and he groaned softly.

A gentle hand landed on his chest, comforting and soothing. But he didn't have to open his eyes to know that it wasn't her. It wasn't Eames.

He coughed weakly, the intense pain and sharp iron taste in his mouth telling him that something was horribly wrong.

Suddenly the voices were perfectly clear, and he could hear the underlying concern as one voice said, "Hang in there, Detective. We're almost at the hospital."

His body shuddered as his eyes fluttered closed, and he tried to block out the frantic orders of the paramedics demanding that he stay awake.

He wanted to be left alone.

He wanted to sleep.

But more than anything, he just wanted Eames.

_Stop and stare _

_I think I'm moving but I go nowhere _

_Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared _

_But I've become what I can't be_

When upset or mad, Alex Eames was a force to be reckoned with. But when her concern was her partner, it was best for everyone concerned to just back off. She stormed through the electric doors of St. Matthew's hospital, fury on her face and concern in her eyes. But inside, she was beyond terrified.

Ross was the first to see her, and he hurried over. "Detective-"

She waved him off. "Where is he?"

He hesitated. "He's in surgery."

"What the hell happened?"

Ross ran a hand through his hair. "He took two bullets, one to the chest and one to his side."

She paled visibly, but maintained her calm.

"He also sustained a nasty concussion, probably from when he fell."

Jacobson appeared at Ross' side. "Alex..."

Alex turned on him, her hazel eyes ablaze. "It's Eames," she snapped, looking him up and down. "And what the hell happened? Where were you when my partner was getting shot?"

Jacobson's eyes narrowed. "I had his back, unlike you," he snapped before Ross could stop him.

An eerie silence fell over the room as her furious palm came into contact with his cheek, and his head snapped to the side.

Ross put his hands on his detective's shoulders, gently steering her away. "Stop it now, Eames."

She yanked her shoulders away from his hands. "Go to hell," she hissed.

Ross' eyes narrowed dangerously. "Detective, I suggest you watch your step," he warned.

She jutted her chin out and was about to retort when Mike Logan stepped between the two.

He held up a hand. "Sir, she's worried about her partner. Let me talk to her."

Ross frowned at him, but turned and stalked away.

When he was gone, Mike turned and looked at her. "Eames, I know you're worried," he started quietly. "But you need to give Jacobson a break. He's not the one who shot Bobby."

She held up a hand. "I don't care. If I had been there..." Her voice trailed off, and she turned around, covering her eyes with her hand.

His green eyes filled with concern, and he hesitated for a moment before stepping forward and wrapping his arms around her.

She fought against him for a few moments, but when he only tightened his grip, she finally gave up and rested her forehead against his shoulder.

He rested his chin on her head, exhaling deeply. Goren had to be okay. He was the only one who could deal with his little firecracker of a partner. But if he died... He didn't have to be a genius to know that this woman leaning on him would never be okay again.

_Stop and stare _

_You start to wonder why you're here, not there _

_And you'd give anything to get what's fair _

_But fair ain't what you really need _

_Oh, can you see what I see?_

It was eight more hours before a doctor finally walked into the waiting room, looking worn. "Robert Goren?"

Before anyone could react, Alex was on her feet and heading toward the doctor. "How is he?" she demanded. "Is he okay?"

He looked at the file in his hand. "I can only speak with his family at the moment."

Her shoulders sagged, and she was never more relieved that he had appointed her his medical proxy. "I'm his medical proxy."

"You're Alexandra Eames?"

She nodded furiously, her mouth pursed.

"Good." He looked at the others, then motioned to the door. "Come with me, please."

She gave Mike a thankful look before following the doctor.

Once in the hall, he started. "I'm Dr. Blake, Mr. Goren's primary."

She crossed her arms over her chest and nodded tightly. "How is he?"

"It was touch and go for a while. The bullet to his side, went straight through, but the bullet that was lodged in his abdomen nicked an artery. He had some internal bleeding, and it took us a while to get it under control."

She exhaled shakily. "But he'll be okay?" Please, he has to be okay. He has to. He has to...

Blake looked at her. "Ms. Eames, I'm not going to sugarcoat it. It's going to take a lot of work, and it will be painful for him, but I have every confidence your husband will be fine."

All she could hear after that is her own heart pounding, and she didn't even bother correcting his assumption that she was Bobby's wife. She was the closest thing to one he had.

"Ms. Eames? Are you okay?"

She looked up into Blake's concerned eyes, finally realizing that he had been calling her name for several moments. She nodded. "I'm fine. Can I see him?"

"He's in the Intensive Care Unit. I'll take you there now." They started down the hall. "If everything goes well, we'll move him into a private room in a day or two. Then he can have as many visitors as he wants. But until then, we're restricting it to next of kin."

Her brow furrowed, and she couldn't help saying, "He has no other family." Of course she didn't say that he had no family, because she was his family. Everyone except him seemed to know that.

Blake gave her a pitying look, and they were silent until they reached the ICU. After speaking quietly with a nurse, he ushered Alex into one of the rooms. "We put him on a ventilator," he said quietly. "It will help with his breathing."

She stood there, not really listening as she watched her best friend laying in that bed, with a tube in his mouth and too many wires running into his body.

Blake laid an understanding hand on her shoulder, understanding her hesitance. "Touch him, if you want. Just don't disturb any of the machines." She nodded, and he quietly slipped out of the room.

The door clicked shut, and as she stepped timidly to the bed, she couldn't help but think how familiar this scenario was. It was only eight years ago that she had waited in a hospital, being told that her husband wouldn't survive. She had stayed in his room for two days, watching him slip through her fingers as she prayed, threatened, and pleaded with God to spare him.

Her eyes burned as she ran a gentle hand over his warm arm, sighing softly. She had held Joe's hand, never letting go, even after he took his final breath. It had been her biggest fear, that he would wake up, even for a brief moment, and not see her there. So she had stayed every minute, watching as his breathing became more labored, until he finally drew his last breath.

She hadn't ever thought that she would recover from that.

She blinked, realizing that her hand had closed gently around his much larger one, and she sighed softly.

"You stupid ass," she whispered, tears threatening to fall as she sank down into an uncomfortable chair.

He didn't respond, or give any sort of indication that he had heard her. So she reluctantly leaned back in the chair and curled up, keeping her hold on his hand. He would know that she was there.

_They're trying to come back _

_All my senses push _

_Untie the weight bags _

_I never thought I could_

TBC...


	3. Whisper

Okay, who else was totally freaked by the title of last night's episode? Please note that we no longer accept letters of reccomendation from Henry Kissinger. Freaky...

CICICICICICICICI

Alex looked down at her unconscious partner and sighed softly. It had been two days, and he still showed no signs of waking. As much as she hated to, she knew that she had to go home for a few hours. And it wasn't as though she were abandoning him. Mike and Carolyn had been relieved when she mentioned needing to go home, and they had both gladly volunteered to stay with Bobby, on the off chance that he regained consciousness.

Carolyn looked at Alex supportively. "He'll be fine, Alex. We'll be here, and we'll call you if he starts coming out of it."

Mike nodded. He met her eyes. "We'll call you if anything at all changes. We promise." He wanted to reassure her. She wouldn't get any rest if she spent the whole time worrying.

She nodded resolutely and leaned over to whisper into her partner's ear. "I'll be back in a few hours, Bobby. It..." She sighed softly. "It would be nice if you would open your eyes for me when I get back." Nothing.

Reluctantly, she straightened up and headed for the door, before her resolve crumbled.

When the door shut, Carolyn took a few steps back and rested against the wall. "I'm glad she's finally going to get some real rest," she commented.

Mike nodded. He looked down at Bobby. "She's going to need it. If she wants to take care of him, she has to take care of herself. He's going to be a handful when he wakes up." He knew Bobby Goren.

She gave him a little smile. "You're probably right."

Mike looked at Carolyn and gave her a smile in return. "I know I'm right."

Two hours later, Bobby began to stir. Carolyn noticed his hand move before Mike did, and she quickly moved to the bed. Resting a gentle hand on his arm, she murmured, "Bobby? Can you hear me?"

Bobby made a low noise in the back of his throat. Hearing Carolyn, he his eyes started to open slowly. He wanted Alex. He needed Alex. She was the only thing on his mind. She was missing, and he had to know she was okay. He managed her name. "Eames?"

Carolyn gave Mike a worried look. "She's not here right now, Bobby," she said in a soft, soothing voice.

Instantly growing worried, he frowned. He knew what that meant. It meant she was still missing. She was still out there. Declan still had her tied up somewhere. Growing agitated, he started to try to get up, to pull the hospital equipment off of him. He had to find Alex.

Carolyn frowned deeply and gently stopped him. "Bobby, you have to stop. You need to rest." The last thing he needed was to get worked up and to have to be sedated.

Mike instantly moved to him. He tried to grab Bobby's hands. "She's right, Bobby. You have to stop. You have to stay here. It's okay..."

Shaking his head, Bobby insisted, "Eames..." He needed to see her, to know she was okay.

"Bobby, you can't see her right now," Carolyn repeated firmly.

Bobby's heart was starting to sink. There was a reason they weren't letting him see her. She wasn't still missing. She was dead. The very idea struck fear to his heart. Struggling just a little against Mike, he pressed, "Need to see her..." She was the only thing on his mind.

Mike looked at Carolyn. He tried again. "Bobby, you just can't see her right now. You have to relax."

Bobby looked at Carolyn. He pressed, "Why?"

"Because you can't." With gentle hands, she pushed him back against the pillows. "You need to rest."

At the spike in her patient's heart rate, Nurse Myers came in, her brow furrowed. "What's going on in here?"

Mike glanced over at the nurse. He sighed. "He's woken up, and he's upset. We're calming him down." He was trying to keep things from getting worse.

She sidestepped him and went to the bed, where Bobby was still struggling against Carolyn. "Mr. Goren," she said in a firm voice. "You need to calm down before you pull your stitches out."

Ignoring the nurse, Bobby continued to struggle against Carolyn. "Eames. I...want Eames..."

She knew the woman he was asking for, and she looked around. "I'm sorry, Mr. Goren. She's not here. Now, I need you to calm down."

Bobby shook his head. He insisted, "No... I want Eames. I want to see her..." The more they told him he couldn't see her, the more convinced he was that it was because she was dead. She was gone. He had failed her. He had to see her to be sure. He had to know.

Myers frowned deeply and left the room, returning a few minutes later with a syringe. "Mr. Goren, this is a mild sedative. It will calm you down and help you sleep." She slid the syringe into his IV.

Bobby's eyes widened, he fought harder. "No! No!" The last thing he wanted was to be sedated. All he wanted was to see Alex, to know what happened to her.

Carolyn held his struggling body to her. He was getting weaker by the second, and she ran a soothing hand over his back. "It's going to be okay, Bobby."

Bobby slowly went limp against her. He was out in moments, still desperately wanting Alex. The fear and worry was still evident on his face.

Mike sighed. He looked down at the ground. He was not happy it had come to this, and he knew Alex was going to be furious. He offered, "I'm going to call Alex. Let her know what happened."

Carolyn nodded as she gently eased Bobby's limp body back against the pillows. "I'll stay with him."

Mike nodded. Leaving the room, he pulled out his phone and dialed Alex's number, trying to decide what he was going to say. She was never going to forgive herself for not being here, and she was go ream them all out for sedating him.  
Alex was in the shower when her cell phone rang, and she immediately dropped the soap and yanked the curtain back. Picking up the phone, she recognized Mike's number. She yanked it open. "Mike?" she demanded breathlessly. "What happened? Is he okay?"

Mike sighed. He glanced back at Bobby's door. "He's going to be okay. He woke up."

Her knees buckled, and she grabbed the wall. "He is? He's okay?"

Mike swallowed hard. This was the part he didn't want to tell her. "Yeah... Yeah, he's okay. He's...asleep though. They sedated him."

She was quiet for a moment. "Why did they do that?"

Mike hesitated. "He got...agitated. They were afraid he was going to pull his stitches. He...wanted you. Kept asking for you."

She closed her eyes and cursed softly. "Damn it..." Sucking in a deep breath, she said, "I'm going to finish my shower and grab some clothes, and I'll be there. Don't let them sedate him again."

Mike nodded and tried to assure her, "If he wakes up again before you get back here, I'll do my best. I promise."

"Do that." She closed the phone, resting her head against the wall for a brief moment. Then she got back into the shower, her every thought revolving around Bobby.

TBC...


End file.
